Intentionality: Master This Simple Shift to Lead With Power and Purpose

Two simple questions that can transform your approach to leadership. How do I want to be? and What do I want?

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I define leadership as the ability to respond consciously and articulate a vision that inspires ourselves and others toward win-for-all solutions.

At its core, leadership begins with making the choice to lead. It is about transcending reactivity and choosing to respond consciously.

That is why intentionality is one of the foundational skills I help my coaching clients develop. Simply put, intentionality means acting with purpose. It is deceptively simple, but incredibly powerful.

No matter what life throws at us, we have the ability to choose our response. That choice, made consciously and deliberately, is the beginning of great leadership.

In a previous article, The Shift, I shared how we can identify our context, overcome reactivity, and return to what I call responsive awareness. If you have not read that yet, it’s a helpful primer.

The Two Questions of Intentional Leadership

Acting with intention begins by asking ourselves two specific questions:

1. How do I want to be?

(This helps us identify our desired internal state or feeling.)

2. What do I want?

(This helps us articulate what we want to create, achieve, or experience externally.)

When we can clearly answer these two questions, we are more capable of identifying the behaviors that will support us in making it happen. This is important because we are exceptional at focusing on what we do not want. You could even say it is one of the foundational qualities of being human.

In Sapiens, Yuval Noah Harari points to a pivotal moment in human evolution—the moment we became Homo sapiens. It was not when we stood upright or made tools. It was when we developed the ability to tell stories. And not just any stories, the stories about how things might go wrong.

He paints the picture of two early humans walking through tall grass. One turns to the other and gestures, "tiger." There is no tiger in sight, but the story plants a possibility. That imagined threat triggers caution, vigilance, and in turn, an increased chance of survival.

This ability to imagine potential threats, even fictional ones, gave us a massive evolutionary edge. It helped us form shared myths, coordinate in large groups, and avoid danger before it arrived.

But here is the catch: the same mental machinery that helped us avoid tigers now tells us we are in danger when payroll is tight or when someone does not respond to our text. The threats have changed, but the brain's operating system has not.

While it is important to consider risk, leaders tend to over-index on this reactive, threat-detecting mindset. I think of it as dirty fuel. It might motivate us, but it is inefficient, unsustainable, and rarely enjoyable.

Common forms of dirty fuel include:

• Stress (fear that we will not achieve our goal)

• Scarcity (fear that we do not have what we need)

• Shame (belief that we are not enough)

• Needing to be right

When we shift from threat-avoidance to intentionality, we tap into cleaner, more integrative motivational sources. We unlock the clean fuel that can drive us without draining us.

Common forms of clean fuel include:

• A desire to learn and grow

• Service and contribution

• Enjoyment and connection

• Purpose

If you want to tap into this type of clean fuel as a leader, start with intentionality. The sections below will show you how to answer the two questions of intentionality effectively.

Question 1: How Do I Want to Be?

"When we put our attention on our intention, we are more likely to create the experience that we want."

My friend and bestselling author Alex Banayan is a highly sought-after keynote speaker. He delivers over 50 talks a year and he does the same thing before every one of them.

As he preps for his talk, he closes his eyes and asks himself, "How do I want to be today?"

This question allows him to anchor into the state that will bring maximum presence and enjoyment to the task at hand. While it is helpful to have clarity about what he wants to do and the outcome he hopes to achieve, the audience's response is ultimately out of his control. How he shows up, however, is entirely up to him.

That simple shift makes a massive difference. It shifts the source of our motivation from external validation to internal inspiration. If we want to inspire others, it helps to start with ourselves first.

He might answer with something like, "Today, I want to feel excited, grounded, and funny."

Then he takes a deep breath, and he is off. It takes him 30 seconds, and it primes his mind to create the energy that serves his own enjoyment and the impact he would like to have on the crowd.

This prompt is based on the premise that energy flows where our attention goes. There is some interesting biology to back this up.

The Reticular Activating System is like our brain's spotlight operator. It filters the millions of bits of information coming at us every second and decides what we actually notice.

The RAS pays attention to what you tell it is important, consciously or unconsciously. That is why when we are focused on threats, the brain starts looking for things that align with that focus. We are literally programming our brain to see differently. If we are unconsciously focused on threat detection, we are sending a lot of energy toward what we do not actually want to happen.

One of the areas this is most prevalent in leadership is in managing people and high-stakes conversations.

We often focus on the potential ROP:

• Rejection (failure to connect)

• Outcomes (not achieving a goal)

• Perception (how we are perceived)

When we focus on externalities that we do not control, we create what I call TAR:

• Tension (in the body)

• Anxiety (in the mind)

• Resistance (inaction)

And then we react to avoid the negative outcome, instead of focusing on what we control and what we want to create. This mindset causes us to operate from fear and kills our capacity to be authentic. When we tell ourselves we need to be different than we are to achieve some external result, we create resistance.

While it is important to be perceptive to the cues and messages we are receiving from the external world, so much of our power and natural confidence exist when we choose to simply optimize for enjoyment and trust that being authentic is not only enough, it is often the most effective strategy to connect, earn respect, and command authority.

Important caveat: When I say "authentic," I mean with objectivity and positive intent. Not all authenticity is a virtue.

When we ask ourselves how we want to be, we shift our attention onto what we control (ourselves), rather than what we do not (other people’s responses).

We turn ourselves into a social thermostat instead of a thermometer.

The thermostat sets the temperature in a room, while the thermometer simply reports the temperature. When we set our intention and anchor into our desired state of being and response, we become the thermostat.

So, next time you are going into an important conversation, ask yourself the question and become the thermostat, instead of the thermometer.

A Trick to Answer the First Question Effectively: The Power of Three

"The Power of Three" is a mnemonic device used in effective communication. Influential leaders employ this technique to help their audience, clients, and employees stay engaged and retain information more effectively.

In this case, we are our own audience. We want to remember how we want to feel. So instead of stopping at one desired way of being, we expand it out to three (and no more) to increase the likelihood of remembering and expressing these virtues and feelings.

Let’s practice:

Think about the next important conversation you have coming up. Is it a weekly standup, feedback session, or investor pitch?

Ask yourself the question and clarify three ways you would like to be in that situation.

Here are a few examples to get your mind working:

• Grounded

• Authentic

• Curious

• Excited

• Playful

• Confident

• Connected

• Funny

• Inspired

Make it even more memorable with an acronym.

Let’s say you chose the words focused, calm, and authentic (F, C, and A). You can turn those into the acronym CAF.

So in this situation, you want to feel CAF: Calm, Authentic, and Focused.

Whenever you run into resistance or find yourself in an awkward social lull, you can check in with yourself, recall your desired states of being, and ask yourself when the last time you felt that way was.

This is also a fun check-in to do with teammates before important meetings or gatherings.

Once you are clear on how you would like to be, ask yourself what you can do to express or occupy those feeling states right now. Then take action.

Question 2: What Do I Want?

This question helps us to get the clarity we need to inspire ourselves and others toward action and creating win-for-all solutions.

Focus on objective outcomes, instead of subjective intentions.

One of the most powerful shifts we can make in our lives is to get clear about what we objectively want, beyond the complaints, confusion, or habitual reactions.

By objective, I mean framing what we want as something factual, a thing that we can clearly know has been achieved.

The Outcome Frame is a simple tool from Neuro-Linguistic Programming that helps us move from intention to objectivity. In my experience with clients, the first two questions are essential. The next questions are more supportive for moving us toward action if there is resistance.

What do I want?
Frame your desire in clear, positive, present-tense language. Be specific.
Example: "I want to be seen as an equal in our working relationship. I want a more collaborative dynamic and clear roles."
(While this is a clear intention, it is not yet objective.)

How will I know when I have it?
Describe the concrete, sensory-based signs that will let you know the outcome has been achieved.
Example: "I’ll feel relief when he takes a call without me. I’ll trust him. I’ll know who is responsible for initiating communication with our partners."
(Now, we are starting to get objective.)

Where, when, and with whom do I want this?
Clarify the context. Be specific about the situations, environments, and people involved.
Example: "In our meetings, in client calls, and when planning team priorities."

Why does this matter to me?
Connect to the deeper purpose behind the outcome. What will this allow you to do or feel?
Example: "It will let me lead with more confidence, feel less anxious, and build a more trusting, effective partnership."

What do I already have that can help?
Identify inner strengths, outer resources, and support systems.
Example: "I’m a strong communicator, and I have the self-awareness to track my reactivity in real time. We can loop in a third party to mediate this discussion if we need them."

Anticipate objections and obstacles. How will you handle them?
Name the potential blocks, internal or external, and plan how you will move through them.
Example: "If I feel dismissed, I might withdraw or get judgmental. Instead, I’ll own my experience and lead with curiosity."

Is this outcome aligned with my values?
Check in with your gut. Is there any part of you that resists this outcome? What does it need in order to get on board?
Example: "A part of me is afraid I’ll lose control. I need to remind myself that trusting my team is essential for scaling to the next level."

Closing

While it might seem like this practice takes more than 60 seconds, I promise that with repetition, you will move through it faster and more fluidly. Over time, you are training your mind to respond to life instead of reacting to it. You are building the muscle of intentionality and tapping into how you want to feel, right now. From that place, we begin creating the outcomes we truly desire, without so much stress, second-guessing, or emotional friction.

If you have any questions about how to implement these powerful prompts in your own life or leadership, feel free to reach out. I hope you find them as valuable as I have.