The Remembering: A Powerful Journaling Exercise to Reclaim Self-Agency and Remember Who You Are
"Do you know who I am and what I've already done?" A powerful journaling exercise to embrace your accomplishments, strengthen your self-awareness, and move forward with confidence.
If you like this article, feel free to click the ❤️ or 🔄 button so more people can discover it on Substack 🙏 Thanks for your support.
So much of the coaching work I do revolves around identity. Who we believe we are and how that shapes the way we act and show up in the world. I subscribe to the Identity Model of Change, which means I believe that the most powerful determinant of our behavior is our sense of self.
For years, I’ve created rituals and exercises to help people define themselves and answer the big question: Who am I? One of the most transformative exercises I’ve ever encountered was gifted to me by one of my first coaching mentors, Lauren Zander, founder of the Handel Group.
As I was working through some insecurity around my business and an upcoming fundraise, she looked at me and said…”do you even know who the fuck you are?”
Surprised, I asked her what she meant.
She invited me to answer that question for myself. “Who the fuck am I and what have I already done? To go back to the beginning of my life and write my pseudo-biography of all of my major wins up to this point.
I spent a weekend working on it like a journal entry and the results were surprising and palpable. While I was aware of a number of things that I had achieved that I was proud of, there was something incredibly powerful about being more explicit and specific about everything all at once.
In going back and looking at the myriad of accomplishments, growth and challenges overcome, I was filled with a new sense of belief that I could tackle the hard thing ahead of me. I was filled with a firmer and more lasting belief in myself and what I’m capable of. I was reminded how things that I once perceived as problems, were blessings in disguise. I saw how several challenges or “failures” were precisely what invited me into the most important growth and opportunities of my life.
Since that day; I have shared this exercise with hundreds of clients and started to call it “The Remembering” — because it’s about remembering who we already are through the undeniable, tangible evidence of what we have done.
Why This Matters?
The self is really just a story. We can define ourselves in many ways, including our values, relationships, and purpose etc. — and while these aspects of the self are important, they are ultimately subjective…they are beliefs.
The Remembering exercise shifts our focus from subjective identity to something more concrete: It encourages us to look at the self through our actions…
As much as any way that we can define ourselves, I think it’s helpful to believe that we are the collection of everything we have ever done, everything we are doing right now, and everything we will ever do.
When we look at the facts of our actions, we uncover a deeper truth about who we are.
One of the best ways to move forward powerfully is to first look back.
How to do “The Remembering”
This exercise invites us to look back at our life and take stock of the moments where we showed up in ways that made us proud. The times when we overcame challenges, stepped into our potential, or did things that were meaningful for ourselves and others.
We rarely allow ourselves this kind of celebratory reflection. Many of us have internalized a false sense of humility that prevents us from fully acknowledging our own growth and achievement. But this isn’t about bragging—it’s about honoring ourselves and all of the effort that has gone into getting us where we are today.
Important tip: Write without filtering or minimizing. If it’s true, write it down.
If you struggle with acknowledging yourself, imagine someone you love doing this exercise—your child, your best friend. Would you want them to be able to own their wins fully? If so, give yourself the same permission.
This is not a time to be bashful. Let it rip!
How to get started:
Start with your childhood and write down everything you did that gives you a sense of pride or accomplishment up until modern day. There are the things you’ve done, built, endured, or transformed. Allow this to be a free-flowing writing exercise—it doesn’t need to be in bullet points, prose, or poetry. Just let the truth emerge and land on the page in a way that feels real for you.
Some prompts to guide you:
- What have I done that I am proud of?
- What challenges or obstacles have I overcome?
- What have I built or contributed on that has positively impacted others?
- How have I been of service to people or the world?
- What relationships have I nurtured or ended for my own growth?
- What have I achieved that once seemed out of reach?
- How have I transformed and grown personally and professionally?
Optional, but powerful… Share it
While not essential, I have learned that this process is even more powerful when shared. When this part of ourselves can be reflected back to us by someone we care about, it lands on a deeper level for the participant. It feels more real.
Find someone you trust—a friend, a partner, a mentor—create your lists and then share them with each other. Read them aloud and as you listen to the other person’s list, celebrate their wins with them, cheer them on the way you would want to be celebrated yourself.
This is not about seeking validation, it’s about honoring the truth of who we are and who we have been. It can be a profound celebration of the people we care about. Appreciation is a core ingredient of healthy relationship and this is a powerful way to recognize the people close to us.
Why this exercise is effective:
When we root our identity in “the reality of what we have already done”, we naturally minimize self-doubt and impostor syndrome. We stop questioning if we are "good enough” and start recognizing that we have already done so much more than we give ourselves credit for.
From this place of remembering who we are, looking forward through the lens of optimism and possibilities becomes easier. The future is no longer a blank page filled with uncertainty—it is simply the next chapter in a life already filled with proof of resilience, courage, and agency.
If you want to go forward from a place of strength, I hope you take a moment to look back and remember who you are and what you’ve already done.