The Big 5 - A practical approach to ask better questions when meeting new people.
The easiest way to create more meaningful and engaging conversations is to get clear on the questions that we are naturally energized to ask others.
Do you know your curiosity template?
Our curiosity template speaks to the information we are naturally drawn to understanding and inquiring about in other people.
Some of us are naturally drawn to personal questions, wanting to know the essence of a person's identity with questions like "Who are you?" Others lean towards practicality, asking "What are you doing and why does it matter?" to understand what people are doing in the world. Some are more topical and want to discuss politics or the sciences.
We all have a curiosity template, it shapes how we interact with the world and people around us. When wielded intentionally, it can guide our inquiry, and strengthen our connections. Understanding and trusting our curiosity template can transform our interactions, making them more meaningful and engaging.
The simplest way to express our curiosity template is to identify our “Big 5.” These are the five questions that we find most interesting to ask. These questions may change over time as our interests and priorities shift, but they provide a snapshot of what truly captivates us.
Here are my Big 5 at the moment:
1. What are you most excited about right now?
This question gives people permission to talk about whatever is most alive for them in the moment.
2. What challenges are you facing at the moment?
Everyone experienes challenge. People rarely get an opportunity to talk about challenge and this is a quick pathway to real depth.
3. What is your dream? If you knew you couldn't fail, what would you do?
I’m more interested in the dream, than what is. This question helps me to get to know what people really value and want in their lives.
4. What have you learned recently that has surprised you?
This question makes it easy for me to learn from others.
5. What do you care about?
This question cuts through the fluff and shines a light on who someone really is and what matters to them.
Why It's Important to Know our Big 5
When we memorize our Big 5, we will be more likely to default to these deeper, more meaningful questions in conversation. It also gives us something to contribute if a conversation drifts to an uncomfortable pause and we want to keep momentum moving.
When we are clear on the questions we want to ask others, we feel more confident in our ability to contribute value into conversation.
When we ask questions that we genuinely want the answers to, it becomes easier to be present, listen and truly connect with others.
Discover Your Big 5
What are the 5 questions you generally always want to know about other people?
What are the questions you ask that historically lead to the most insteresting conversations?
What do you most want to know about the people you meet?
Write down your top 5 and trust this curiosity as a compass for connection.
If you ask these questions and people aren’t available or interested in answering them, my assumption is that this person is probably not someone that you are going to end up connecting with on the deepest level and your energy might be better utilized elsewhere.
Life is short, let’s spend time with the people who are available to meet us where we’re at.
Love this Andrew! Thank you