The 3-question gratitude ritual that will transform your Thanksgiving dinner

Who are you grateful for? What is a challenge that you are grateful to have overcome this year? What are you looking forward to?

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Did you know that Congress created Thanksgiving as a day to express gratitude? Literally.

On November 1, 1777, by order of Congress, the first National Thanksgiving Proclamation was proclaimed, and signed by Henry Laurens, President of Continental Congress. The third Thursday of December, 1777 was thus officially set aside: “…for solemn thanksgiving and praise. That with one heart and one voice the good people may express the grateful feelings of their hearts…

As we approach Thursday, you will likely see a flood of posts about gratitude and being thankful. This post will show you a practical and creative way to do just that, a simple toast that you can use to transform your Thanksgiving dinner.

The “Gratitude Toast”

Here is how you can can make the most of this unique opportunity to express gratitude and connect with those closest to you.

At some point during your meal, take the floor and tell everyone that you’d like to unify the conversation for a bit. This is called being a conversational catalyst. Being the person that invites the conversation to a new level of depth. It can be uncomfortable, but people typically appreciate us for it.

Propose “a Gratitude Toast that will help us to celebrate people and things in our lives that we are grateful for.”

Go around the table and invite everyone to answer three questions.

1. Who are you most grateful for this year and why?

2. What is a challenge that you are grateful to have overcome this year?

3. What is one thing you are looking forward to?

The nice thing about these questions is that they allow people to identify something they are grateful for in the past/present, something they are grateful for in themselves and something they are grateful for in the future. In other words, we become the cream filling of a little gratitude Oreo. (can we make Gratitude Oreo a thing…no?…okay, moving on)

As we all know, the Thanksgiving dinner table can get big and rather hectic. The toast helps everyone to slow down, relax and come together in one unified conversation.

On top of that, most people recognize Thanksgiving as a time to express gratitude, they want to share their love and appreciation openly and are just waiting for permission. Proposing the toast does just that.

Side note: If you are at a much larger Thanksgiving dinner with open seating, you can also offer up the three prompts at the beginning of your gathering and encourage people to ask others that they meet those questions. You don’t need to be at the same table to unify the conversation.

An optional upgrade for smaller tables

If you are at a smaller table, or with your immediate family, there is an even more intimate version of the gratitude toast.

One at a time, each person will have an opportunity to go around the table and tell each person why they are grateful for them.

When we tell people WHY we are grateful for them, it adds a layer of authenticity to your statement that will have more of an impact on the recipient.

This version will connect your family in a profound way that will be sure to transform the energy at your table this year.

The science of gratitude

In case you needed another reason to bring gratitude to your dinner this year, here’s some of the hard science on gratitude.

Gratitude sometimes has a “woo woo” or “soft” connotation, people think about it as a nice thing, but not something they should pay any significant attention to. Well, you can tell uncle Ray from Palm Beach that gratitude is a seriously powerful force for good.

Research from the folks at the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley and others have shown us that gratitude is one of the simplest things we can do to improve our psychological and emotional well-being.

Practicing gratitude has been shown to…

1. Heightens our immune system and white blood cell counts to fight disease

2. Decreases stress hormones like cortisol by up to 23%

3. Decrease blood pressure and heart rate variability

If you want a simple, 60-second technique to practice gratitude eery day, try this.

Be grateful for people, not things.

Harvard researchers recently revealed their results from a 75-year study on happiness and identified that strong relationships are the strongest indicator of a happy and healthy life.

I believe that sharing our appreciation with family is one of the easiest ways to reaffirm these important relationships.

When we share our gratitude with others, a few things happen:

1. We allow the recipient to acknowledge his or her own value and positive traits.

As humans, we are somewhat preconditioned for doubting ourselves. When our positive traits are reinforced to us by the people we love and trust, it has a powerful, lasting impact on our psyche.

2. When we share our appreciation for people, it amplifies those feeling in ourselves.

The act of expressing our gratitude for others, reinforces those feelings in ourselves. When we understand why we love family and friends more deeply, we will feel more connected to them.

3. The gratitude loop

The coolest bi-product of sharing our gratitude with someone is that they are more likely to then share gratitude back with us, and with other people in their community.

When we tell our family that we’re grateful for them, it opens up a neural pathway that makes them more emotionally comfortable saying those things back to us, and also to the other people in their lives. It’s a beautiful, never ending chain reaction of gratitude that can start with a single comment.

Anyone can establish a new family tradition

One of the beautiful things about family traditions is that you can start new ones. You don’t need to be the “head of the household.”

I’m also not naïve, I know that not all families are open about sharing their feelings with one another. Here are a few things that I often hear…

• We don’t want to make them uncomfortable

• We don’t know if they will be able to reciprocate

• We don’t know if it is appropriate or timely

Allow me to answer to all of those very natural fears with a question…

Think about the last time someone in your family gave you a great compliment or told you that you did something well.

How did you feel?

The only answer I’ve ever heard to that question is some affectation of ”great.” Hearing that we are appreciated is almost always welcome.

Whatever fear or discomfort you might have about inviting people to the gratitude toast, remember that the end result of people sharing their gratitude for each other will almost always be a positive one.

Discomfort is often the price we pay for doing something new. We should seize this opportunity to infuse our Thanksgiving dinners with the things that make them special; family, friends and gratitude for the role they’ve played in our lives.

Be bold, be a gratitude catalyst, start a Thanksgiving tradition that you want to celebrate for years to come.